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The Week From Hell, But Finding The Light Through The Looking Glass

Hello world! Welcome back to another blog! After the success of my screening last week, this one took abit of a turn for the worst. But I managed to persevere and if you want to find out how, here's what I got up to this week:



Monday: To start the day I watched abit if The SpongeBob SquarePants movie. I know I’ve seen it a million times before but I need something to perk up the day and I know that this film will definitely help that. I then made my way to my day job where it was mostly picking which I was pleased about. I also managed to run through my lines for class the next day and so far I’m still getting through all of them which is good. 


When I got back I walked my dog and updated my budgeting table. Although I had to do abit of moving around as because it’s once again been an expensive year I nearly went over my budget. But after cutting down on my savings I only just managed to keep in my budget. 

After a quick power nap (where as you can see above, Margo did not want to get up lol!) I watched more of The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie whilst I had lunch. This was then followed by looking through my lines and breaking the scene down. I wasn’t too sure what I was thinking about my “why” so I just wrote the first thing that came to my head. And I’m hoping that this will help me develop this character even more. 


This then moved onto applying for some jobs on Mandy and Spotlight and noting down who I contacted recently. With my film being premiered I thought it was now more important than ever to keep a note of who I got acted as then I can give them time to head back from me in three months time and also so that I don’t hassle them. I also noted down people who I haven’t contacted in a while so then I can email them about my film and also other stuff that’s happened. 


I also had a call from Steve Watson about my film. So far it’s good news as whilst we can’t enter one category we can enter the two we originally aimed for. And with abit of editing it’s all coming together nicely. We even suggested a headshot session for when he comes back away which was beneficial for me as I need them updating, and when he comes back it would be the perfect time to do so. 


I then did some yoga. I was abit nervous on tomorrow and travelling to a new place by myself but the yoga definitely helped. This was then followed by making a quick trip the shop only to find they didn’t have what I wanted. This was a shame as a greggs is normally a safe food of mine for when I travel. Yes it’s not the healthiest but it’s not sensory overloaded and I know the tastes of it which is why I often have one when I travel. 


To wind down for the evening I walked my dog and watched last Wednesdays and the first half of last Fridays Coronation Street. Nathan has really got into my head now and it’s not doing any favours for Bethany either. But after initially thinking that it was Daniel who taught him a lesson I can understand why Bethany was shocked to hear it was actually Gary. I know that he was there when Bethany was abused by him but that doesn’t excuse what he’s done. But the sooner they can cover up the what happened the better. And “Christopher Green” is seriously not the type of person you should mess about with. And after Bernie thought she might have lost hope on what happened, after seeing spoilers I can safely say she’ll be shocked to discover the full truth. I also praise Toyah for fighting Rowan on and even though his ex is still brainwashed by him she’s still not giving up the fight. But Leanne leaving for the retreat did Simon no favours and it wasn’t long before he fell off the wagon again. And after trying to set up a website to help improve his, business Kevin Will whatever it takes to keep a revelation from Abi. We also need a friend like Tim who even though he’s trying to be in Sally's good books about being Steve’s wingman he managed to help Steve get back in touch with Demi. 


After checking my socials from my personal account and starting a bit of French I watched todays instalment of Doctors. And I really hate our world sometimes I really do. And it’s people like Lucas lodger where there’s always a reason for why they’re like that but sometimes there’s a limit on how much you can help them, but sadly he was not one of them. It was also good to see Emma again after she had a break from the sow, and she did give off some good advice after jimmi found out a secret of a former colleague who’s not doing great mentally. And who knew that Al would be good at relationship advice. I just hope that Sid will make the right decision for himself. 


I then checked my socials from my personal account and did some French. It was a relaxing session as well and I managed to get to bed earlier than expected. Which was definitely what I needed! 



Tuesday: To start the day I watched the rest of The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie. I knew those would set me up for today. As sometimes you need to tap into the kid inside do you to have a play and have fun. 


I then made my way to Manchester. But as I got to the railway station at Newark something was already stopping me… part of the journey was cancelled. This led me in a real rut, as even though I booked the ticket in advance therefore I can get on a different Trainline service I didn’t want to stress out about when I’ll get there. But thankfully I managed to get a refund for my train ticket and and cancelled my taxi for Manchester. But the after affects were not great.


As mentioned before change without warning can make me go all wobbly and leave me malfunctioning. And after that morning it was a prime example of it. But I have found my ways to cope. As when I got back I did some yoga which already took off the edge and calmed me down. This was then followed by having a nap for a couple of hours to catch up on my sleep. I wasn’t sure if I got to sleep completely or partly but relaxing under my duvet really did help massively. 


After that and touching my my blog I finished the draft of my new story. Know I’ve got other stories to work on, some of which are ready for posting some i haven’t worked on in a while. But knowing I’ve got another draft down is brilliant and then with abit if my imagination, I can flesh it out to make it even better. 


I then watched Gogglebox whilst I had some lunch. All I will say is this, things got pretty saucy in both Bridgerton (which I need to catch up on ASAP) and Married At First Sight Australia, the news on the northern lights and chips vs French furies we’re better than people dying and politics, and the traditional way to cut escargot was just ruined. I also thought that how two boys made double their money in doubling up was just shocking and after seeing a man just expressing himself in “narrow escapes” and Finland giving off a very interesting performance in Eurovision I thought I’d seen it all but it’s moments like this where I was wrong again. 


I then made my way to Nottingham. But once again it was not a pleasant trip. The train was once again delayed but thankfully I made it to class. But I guess the positive things about it are that I got myself a Costa and I am able to get some compensation due to being late.I then had my class. Already this cheered me up massively. We played a game linking to the traitors and also similar to a previous game which was mafia. It was called werewolves and boy was I lucky to be one of them. I got to be sneaky and made sure I wasn’t discovered but I was sadly too late on that score. We then moved onto our phone monologues. We didn’t get time to perform them but after looking at them and with my teacher setting up some homework I can’t wait to see how these develop on. 


As I got back I watched the start of todays instalment of Doctors. Suni was helping a young boy after he gets himself into things which he shouldn’t have done. But with the help of Jimmi and the boys mum, I feel the separation of his mum and dad made him draw back down that path. I hope that when I watched the rest suni will have found a solution to help him. 


To help wind down I checked my acting socials and did some French. I was still not in the best of moods but having those things to help me wind down had a massive improvement on me mentally. 



Wednesday: To start the day I watched the rest of Tuesdays addition of Doctors. And boy I’m glad that Suni was able to bring a mother and son back together. I think after a talk and the mother knowing that the police needs to be involved I was glad they got back together okay. 


This then moved onto doing a home workout. I was considering going to the gym but because of what happened yesterday and to avoid overwhelm I stuck with doing a home workout. And that was enough for me. This was then shortly followed by walking my dog. Although Margo was not happy due to walking in the rain, and I didn’t take a photo of her as I knew that it would make her even more upset lol! 


In between my home workout I slowly caught up on typing up my tv reviews. As I’m writing this I’ve officially got One Day typed up and ready to go. I just need to find some time to write up about Kim and Boarders and then it’ll be ready to post. 


For most of the morning I caught up on the rest of an Act On This podcast with David Crowley. And it was an interesting end when he showed how we can use status in a script. And the two actors that did it was brilliant, and when you’re also praised by David himself that’s when you know you’ll be memorable. So overall a very interesting session and one thing I’ve learnt from it is the more research I do the more fun I can have fun with it.

Afterwards I checked my socials and did some French. I did make a few small errors but other than that I’m proud of myself for getting that consistency in. But it seemed to have got Margo all tired out as seen below!

During lunch I definitely felt the worse. As now that I’m once again on my time of the month (ladies you’ll know what I mean), I was in a depressive mood. But a hot water bottle and Singin In The Rain did the word some good. That film in particular is my favourite as not only is it my thing to watch as a special interest, but how two songs I knew but didn’t know where they were from came from this show. So that was something else to be said.


During lunch (where I prepped something for myself and I had a sandwich on standby for later), I watched the first episode of G’Wed. And I think I’m going to like this series. I wasn’t expecting some of the gags that were in there and that the actor who played Donny in Hollyoaks was the headmaster in it. But this may be the Scouse version of sex education, which is a good thing as I need a good comedy at the moment. 


I then made my way to Nottingham for amplify actors. I realised as well I left my purse on the way there (and I knew exactly where it was too). But I knew that I didn’t needed it as I had some change in my bag and also because I spent a lot of things which I don’t need to it’s helped me control my spending. So i guess it was a win win if you ask me. 


I then had amplify actors. And along with some stretches this session focused on prepping something for their festival. This was something that leaked my interest but because I’ve never put on a piece longer than 2mins was a challenge. But thankfully I’m glad the group decided to come together to perform something as a collective, as then I could still be a part of it without getting overwhelmed. So I was looking forward to what we develop for the deadline in June.


On my way back from amplify I bumped into an old colleague from Waitrose. It was lovely to catch up, finding out what he’s been up to since he left and vice versa. It’s also helped me look at where I should apply to in regards to day jobs, and he’s given me some real inspiration. And as I got back I ordered my sisters birthday present. I couldn’t get the colour of one part of it so I’m hoping the alternative is just as good. And it may not be Abel to come until her actual birthday but at least I ordered it now which is all that matters. 



Thursday: To start the day I watched Mondays instalment of Hollyoaks. I’m so glad that Dillon was able to help Lucas express himself and because of that they’re stronger than ever. But I did feel for Freya when Leah admitted the truth about the trolling. And you know what I don’t blame her for ending the friendship with Leah as taking it out on someone else is never an excuse to be upset. I’m also glad that John Paul was okay but I feel that Beau is about to discover the real truth about kitty after being held hostage by Declan. 


I was then going to make my way to the gym but then I had to think on a few things. Because I was to have a busy couple of days from this afternoon I decided to head back and do a home workout instead. And I was glad for sling so as it left me more time to set up my new budgeting table and editing a sketch linking to May Day. I also did an extra workout linking to the abs before the cool-down from the online one which for me I was proud of myself. And once again it got Margo tired, and she didn't even do anything.

Along with editing my sketch and updating my budgeting table I checked my socials and learnt some French. And after seeing my friend posting on her socials about taking some time off to celebrate her birthday (where providing that trains are my best friend tomorrow I’ll be coming along) and other stuff, I may do the same until Saturday night. Normally I wouldn’t but I feel that because I’ve got a busy few days myself the longer I stay up the more tired I’ll be. And then I thought that if I could do it during NCS for 5 days 8 years ago then one day should be a piece of cake. This then led onto getting sorted for my friends birthday and also Belvoir. Just so then I’m organised and not panicking about if I’ve forgotten something or not. 


I then moved onto watching yesterdays instalment of Doctors. And someone needs to get a petition done to have a spin off show in the form of The Doctective! As Al has once again gained a massive discovery in a rare condition which a close friend of his has. I also know that jimmi should trust his gut especially when he’s unsure about Ryan starting again even though rob says otherwise. And Paige did a really good job with a patient before she was seen to by Zara. And even Zara herself was impressed by Paige’s efforts. But I have a feeling that it’ll soon go downhill after Scarlett lets slip to Sid’s about Paige’s intentions of him. 


This the moved onto Tuesdays Hollyoaks whilst I had lunch. Now even though Carter will never change his ways, I’m glad that John Paul and Freya are finally moving on with their lives. And what I thought about why Kitty took her friends name from them was right, but with Beau coming to the rescue doing an act of self defense, they need to cover up their tracks fast. And finally even though Cindy did a special thing for Dave in the wake of lizzies death, it won’t be the end of his grief for long. 


I then made my way to work. It was weird coming back as I enjoyed my time off. However until I find something that gives me more flexibility (and after speaking to a former colleague I think I know where to look) I have some ideas. I also once again managed to find some time to learn lines of my script which was always a positive. And as I’m writing this I’ve also nearly finished my latest reviews of three tv shows I’ve seen. I just need to do some fine tuning and the they’re ready to post. 

Knowing that I was going to be up early the next day and have a long two days, when I got back I watched yesterdays instalment of Hollyoaks whilst I had my dinner as seen above. After Beau and Kitty made their escape and left Declan where he belongs, I was shocked about Kitty’s bombshell regarding Lizzie. Although in a previous episode I did sense abit of tension in the air, and maybe that explains it all. I’m also shocked about Dave meeting Hannah in secret after a fallout with Cindy and if he goes down this path it could end up with betrayal. And I get why Arlo is struggling to connect with Marie but I feel he needs to see that she is trying. 


I then ended the day with watching the premier league darts play offs. I didn’t watch all of it knowing I’ve got a busy few days but when I did watch it, it came at a perfect timing. The 9 darter from littler followed by the win was something to remember, and he is definitely a force to be reckoned with. And the sportsmanship from Luke Humphries was beautiful to see, as yes they are rivals but they are also good friends too. I can’t wait to see what both of them do in the future. 



Friday: To start the day I watched Singin In The Rain. Just enough so that I can get my morning to an energetic start which I did. I then made my way to work. Although it was a shift from hell, as given what’s happened the past few days and the state it’s put me in I was struggling. But I got through it which was the main thing. I also made the decision to not go out tonight. I know you’re probably thinking “it’s a bit stupid to not go out because she’s sad”. But as an autistic individual and an overthinker, it’s moments like this where I don’t want to worry during something which is supposed to give me a good time. 


So when I got home I got rid of some stuff from my phone whilst I noted some more jobs on Mandy and Spotlight. I didn’t apply for them straight away as my mindset wasn’t in it. But at least they’re there as a reminder for me to apply for them over the weekend. 


This then moved onto walking my dog and doing some yoga. Once again doing it outside really helped me explore nature that little bit more. And whilst it didn’t take away all of the tears away it’s definitely helped me feel more settled. 


After checking my socials from my personal side I watched the first episode of The Responder whilst I had my tea as seen below. And boy did it start with a bang! Chris actually looks worse than the sturdy series, although in his state and working night shifts I can see why. And with the reunion of his estranged dad (where I didn’t expect him to get so angry) and going to desperate measures to see his daughter more regularly, I feel he’ll put on more stress. And not just Chris. After her breakup with abusive ex Steve, Rachel is clearly struggling in the aftermath, and that Casey is in for the shock of her life when she sees someone linking to someone from her past. I know this series will get better and better from there.

This then moved onto yesterdays instalment of Doctors. Kirsty was able to bring the mother and daughter to an understanding on why the daughter decided to have a termination (which in her situation it must be heartbreaking), and that Zara may have to keep looking for a new partner at the mill. And after overhearing Scarlett about her true intentions of Paige, Sid is definitely having doubts. 


Before I went to bed I checked my socials and did some French. I only checked my personal socials and one session of French as I needed my sleep. And it definitely worked in my favour, and for Margo's too.


Saturday: To start the day I watched abit of the premier league darts. I didn’t get chance to actually watch a game due to needing to get off to my day job but just the atmosphere alone really helped wake me up.


I then made my way to my day job. It was mainly facing up but then it eventually turned into some back stock. And my colleague said that they’re doing it as it’ll get abit crowded and that I feel they didn’t want me to get overwhelmed. Even though I’m still on the hunt for a new day job offering more flexibility, it’s moments like this where after knowing my needs they are so good with them. 


I then headed off to Belvoir Castle for the mad hatters tea party trail. This was a cracking day, as with everything that’s happened it’s been really helpful. We’ve had lots of families coke in and despite not having an underskirt on for part of my costume I thoroughly enjoyed playing Alice. Mind you in the live action film Alice was against the traditional values of her era so this fitted perfectly. And I even thought of my six impossible things before breakfast for when I come back. Four of them from the live action film and two I made up with the help from the rabbit. So watch this space! 

As I got back, I relaxed into the evening by applying for some acting jobs, walking the dog and doing some yoga. It took me a while as I’ve been on my feet all day but once I got started it was the best decision I made. And like with exercising you’ll feel so much better for doing it! 


After getting a delicious Fanta frozen from Burger King as seen below, I watched episode 2 of G’Wed. This episode the students had to be paired up for diversity week and it’s had a surprising baggage. Mo and brindles experience was an interesting on, Mia-Louise’s way of expressing love without language was interesting (and despite a secret being hidden by her new love interest it’s also somehow opened up a new relationship for her), and Reece and Christopher’s presentation was beautiful. But I feel that Christopher will be in for a tough fight when he’s paired with Aimee as the lead for the school play. 

This then moved onto The Responder whilst I had a takeaway as seen above. Chris and Rachel really are in the deep end when it came to picking up the drug money, and with him seeing Marco and Casey again the challenge he had to watch out for them and make sure his daughter doesn’t go away for ever is also getting to him. But Casey’s situation is about to get tougher when Jodie’s assistants there’s ten her and that even though Marco does want to be a good dad he’ll have to go about it the right way. But Bren I feel will help him with that. I also feel that Rachel will confront Steve’s new girlfriend about what he’s really like but it’s just the case of when.


Just before I went to bed I watched Thursdays addition of Hollyoaks. I feel the argument between Leela and Marie was a bit much, but I think that with Joel’s drunken mishap with Cleo, it may cause a bit of a stir. Dave also has got himself in a sticky situation with Hannah, and I wonder what her and Robbie are planning? I also admire kitty’s bravery by opening up on what happened in her childhood. I get why she has doubts about her transition but it’s people like Carter and Declan who make you question what’s real and what isn’t. I just hope it’s a fresh start for both her and beau. 


To end the day I checked my socials from my acting account and did some French. If only did some small sessions as I honestly felt so tired from the last few days. And I think I needed that sleep.



Sunday: to start the day I watched more of the premier league darts. As always this got my energy levels going and even though I know that littler won the premier league it didn’t stop me from seeing what an incredible performance he’s done. 


I then made my way to my day job. This was a few picks followed by facing up and putting out stock. And with some wonderful music which inspired me to write more of a script later on it’s safe to say that this mornings shift was better.


As I got back I watched some Britain's Got Talent during some lunch. There were a few people who stood out to me, these were a duo who got Simon’s second golden buzzer but what they did left me on edge in a good way, and that who knew shadow puppets can be so entertaining. I also admire the singer who after a rough start got himself going and made a brilliant audition happen and that a Canadian comedian is flawless of making the accents of Britain. I also admired a unique version of titanic, but the biggest shock for me was magic assemble, as past contestants of BGT came together to make magic happen and  make Simon Cowell disappear. 


As the afternoon came I started by drafting my own phone conversation monologue. I was surprised I got it done so quickly as before I knew it I was finished. And even though I didn’t originally plan this next one I then continued to look at one of my stories. I did this by fleshing it out making it clear that two of my characters were on the autistic spectrum by mentioning some hints like fidgeting toys and taking jokes literally. Now it’s nearly ready to be posted and I’m so excited to share it with the world.


Soon afterwards I moved onto my movement reel. I did this by recapping my segments and then picking out moments from the longer routines to film when the times comes. Partly because I don’t want to take up a lot of storage on my phone, but also because like in an acting showreel you would put your strongest segments in. So I’ll I play out the strongest bits in it. And I know which ones I’ll do.


Whilst I was planning next week I listened to abit of an act on this broadcast. This time it was on YouTube and I skipped to a article linking to the working class. So far I found it really interesting as yes as a working class citizen it means I may need to work harder, but that hard work will pay off. And if anyone tells you to change who you are then they’re not worth their time. 


After walking my dog and doing some yoga (which yes I was late starting but I’m glad I got it done), I watched Fridays instalment of Hollyoaks. Now I glad that Marie didn’t cause drama with the announcement, especially after she heard Joel and Cleo talking about the night before. And after seeing spoilers I know that there will be heartbreak for both couples for different reasons, with Leela having a scare on her baby and Cleo facing the wrath of Abe after she made a comment which from my point of view was only a joke but I feel that Abe doesn’t see it like that. I can kind of see why he would be violent given his childhood but hitting someone especially a partner is not an excuse. And despite a successful lunch with Cindy I think Dave has landed himself in hot water with Hannah. 


I then watched Fridays Gogglebox whilst I had my tea. And I have a few things to say on this. First of all that scene in Bridgerton got me feeling things which has now got me prepared for when I do watch it, and that the people were impressed with the jugglers on BGT, and after initially skipping their audition I’m glad I watched it now. I’m also needing to arch up on the piano after seeing a fellow autistic individual play his own work, and that I’m surprised by the choice of Britain's favourite sandwich on This Morning. I also feel very strongly about Britain's potholes and that I’m not sure if I like inside no 9, purely for the confusion of if I should laugh or not. Top of the Pops also gave me some nostalgia, and it's safe to say that the man addicted to tuna is still addicted to it.


To finish off the evening I checked my socials and applied for some acting jobs. This then moved onto abit of French, where I only did one session due to the early start but I did it and that’s all that matters. And because I’m once again having an early start the earlier I get to sleep the less tired I’ll be. 



What have I learnt this week? Find the good out of the bad, as it’s that thing there that will determine how you deal with the bad.


See you soon for another blog. Until next time…


This is The Autistic Actress signing off :) 

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