Hello world! After a manic show week in my previous blog, here is what I got up to, the week commencing the 31st july-6th august!
Monday: Monday was the start of getting back into routine. As always I went back to my day job. I was surprised they didn't need me for any overtime, (as I did mention it to them specifically), but as I noticed that they picking didn't need to be completed until the afternoon, they weren't desperate. Thankfully I had some overtime for the next day, and even though Waitrose is not something I want to do long term, I knew that in life sometimes the finances take over from the passions.
As soon as I got back home I was straight to bed and I felt so much more refreshed. I then got up and watched a few eps of Coronation Street with my dad, who would be going away the next day as I type this blog. We still have a couple of weeks to catch up on, but we were nearly there. Thankfully I knew what was happening currently, so at least when I get an audition for the show, I know what's happening.
I also did some yin yoga, which was definitely needed. I also finished the rest of an Act On This podcast with Emmerdale and Coronation Street director Debbie Howard. After saying that we can email her, I had to reach out to her at some point, as its the directors who mostly bring in the day player roles.
A bit later on, me and my dad watched some more Coronation Street, whilst his partner (who was coming with my dad but stayed at ours to make it easier for when his lift to the airport comes), watched the love island final. I wasn't invested in it as much other than the odd bit of drama (as that's the only reason I'll watch it) but I couldn't help but sneak in and out. We still hadn't caught up but I was happy with what I got up to.
Tuesday: After initially getting up quite late, I managed to squeeze in a gym session and a walk with the dog. I also started listening to the Act On This July Table Talk, and it definitely opened my eyes to the world of Drama Schools and self-tapes. As long story short I may have messed up my chances of getting my first TV credit a few weeks ago. Part of it was not putting in as much effort, part of it was the wrong timing. However, I know for next time that if I feel as though I can do it and I will be available for that week of filming, I can go for it but if its the wrong timing, then I'll know when to simply say no.
After abit of lunch and watching episode 3 of Without Sin, I then moved on to noting the dates of Casting Directors I've reached out to (so that I know when to email them again), and then started module 3 of Bullet Proof Actor. This was a course set up by Act On this Founder Ross Grant, who did another version, except this one was updated. He also did this with High performance mindset Coach Matt Hall, helping actors like myself to break out of limiting beliefs and achieve our goals. I've completed module 2 around April, and due to Actors Expo recordings and other factors in life, I haven't had a chance to come back to it until now. However, thank god I got the stuff for life, as with this sort of work, I really need to take my time with it. This module was all about setting realistic goals, to avoid overwhelm and breaking each specific goal (2-3 big ones) down into sections to complete in 90 days (possibly longer for some). I completed the video and just need to listen to the Q&A on that section before I start the workbook. Now I'll be honest, I may need to go through the recording again before starting the tasks in the workbook, but that's okay. As sometimes you need to hear it again to help you gain a kick up the backside and get started.
I was also due to start selling some of my old clothes on vinted, but module 3 took a lot longer than expected. So to avoid overwhelm, I decided to leave it to one side and get ready for work. Now normally I don't work on Tuesdays, but there comes a time in our lives where at one point the passion takes over, but then sometimes the finances take over. Whilst I'm glad I took that extra shift for the extra money, I didn't like the fact that it was on a checkout. the thing about checkouts are that when its busy, its hectic, but when its quiet the hours are so slow. But I managed to get through it, and I rewarded myself with a nice Waitrose ready meal when I got back and finished the day with learning some more Korean and French (which probably took longer than expected).
Wednesday: I started the day by doing an arm session at the gym whilst continued listening to a Steven Bartlett podcast. On the way back I saw the guy helping me with my project, and it's safe to say we are ready to go.
After a nice hot shower after the gym, I finished the Act On This July Table Talk, where we had showreel producer Chris Stone and Ross' mum on the phone. During the talk, he also mentioned the subject of AI, and even though it can be helpful for getting started in writing my own stuff, it will eventually be a big thing. At the moment I'm not too worried about my position but if it still develops in the next 10 years, maybe I do need to be careful But what matters is the hear and now, and you can only live in the moment.
I then edited a couple of self written self tapes which I'm going to film in the next few weeks, and also looked at script from a Mandy audition. Yes I may not be off script, but providing I know the given circumstances and objectives, I can use it to hone the performance. But when I sign with the agent who offered me rep (as long story short I've decided to accept the agents offer) I'm going to need to get used to learning lines quickly, otherwise I won't get anywhere. So my aim is to try to memorise something in a short space of time. When I will start I don't know, but thanks to the help of Bullet Proof actor and my goals, I'll have a rough idea.
I then watched the first 20 minutes of ITV drama Ridley, starring Adrian Dunbar, best known for playing Hastings in BBC Drama Line of Duty. I was surprised by the length of each episode, but I was willing to give it a go.
I then emailed my ideas to my possible collabs for the autism project. I've managed to get most of the documents sent, but now I just need to send them my colleagues contact number to help push us forward.
To help wind down, I did a few surveys and also learnt more Korean and French. I firmly believe it's good to be productive, but before the show I started to be more aware of when I'm at my most productive, and when I'm not. When I'm not working at my day job, I noticed I'm more productive in the morning but start to slow down by 4pm. So I move onto the relaxing jobs/hobbies which yes may not help me excel in my career, but they bring me leisure and comfort. I feel this was important to me as yes it's good to achieve your passions, but having other things to fill the void or have on the side of acting definitely makes live worth living more.
Earlier on in the week, I thought about going to watch an outdoor show, but in the end I made the decision not to due to the whether. This was a shame as this was a theatre company based in Lincoln, and also a good way to network so that if they're auditioning foe their next lot of shows, it's at a location I know and easy to get to. However, on the flipside, I managed to get in touch with my colleague helping me with the autism project, as I was able to let him know that I sent some ideas to some potential autistic creatives and a venue for the short film. So I guess that was a bonus.
To end the day, I simply relaxed, watched some TV, cleared some out of date storage from my phone, and watched the rest of Ridley and worked on an audition i was going to film the next day. I even managed to get through the module 3 Q&A for when i come to do it in the workbook, which has definitely helped as when i set my 90 day goals for the last of 2023 and then set my new goals for 2024, I'll be able to look at which 2-3 big goals i will set, and what I need to do to achieve the goals.
Thursday: As always, to start my day I took my dog for a walk and went to the gym. I couldn't go on all the machinery but the important part was I went, and I feel better for doing it. On the way back, I managed to pay in my first ever pay cheque, which I got from a tax rebate. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but for someone like me to do that is a big step. Once I got those jobs sorted, I filmed my audition tapes. Considering I only had a a couple of days to get it in I was proud of myself. I know I could've made more effort, but with a show happening that same week, I didn't want to overwhelm myself.
As soon as I finished my self tapes, I then did some cooking where I cooked some fish. My Nan pointed out that next time we cook, I needed to get the stuff. I know she meant well, and I can see why she would say that (and that's someone who's trying to be more open minded about everything) but with show week taking over, getting the stuff for cooking was the last thing on my mind. Never the less I cooked up a tasty fish dinner, and I was quite proud if I do say so myself. I then gathered a few day player roles from Coronation Street and Hollyoaks, whilst watching Hollyoaks before work.
After I finished work I had my scrumptious dinner as seen below, and continued to watch some more Hollyoaks.
I then watched the rest of Ridley, where I’ve discovered it’s a different mystery in each episode. I wasn't sure on if it would be more exciting, but I was willing to give it a go. I then finished the day with learning some more Korean and French and submitting my audition tape. All in all, a well productive day.
Friday: Friday was another day of working. Although I had to get up slightly earlier, as with my dad being away, I was responsible for taking my dog for a walk. I didn't mind though, it was a good way to start my day and with no rehearsals to go to for a while (well until the next thing that comes along), I knew I didn't have any pressure for anything else.
This shift was a mixture of emotions. At one point I had to leave as even though I was given on job, I had to move onto another one, and i wasn't sure when I'll get back to it. This did throw me off, and eventually it became too much. thankfully one of my colleagues came to my aid, and she reassured me that she got it (as she has a child who also has autism). After 15 mins to calm down, me and my colleague got back to the job, and a member of management came in and he understood how I felt, as he also has a daughter that was autistic, so as soon as he heard what happened, he said that he knew what I was going through. That did give me a lot of reassurance, but it made me question why they didn't notice it until now. I don't want to me too judgmental and they do have busy lives both in and out of work, so I know they won't always remember everything. But surely they should be able to realise after nearly working for nearly 3 years there that they should know my needs. even my nan on the way back said that sometimes I need to mask through situations like this. But why should I? Why should I have to mask who I am to please people. This realisation has made me more passionate to get this project and raise awareness for autism done.
As soon as I got back I came to some calming yoga, and applied and made a note of some more spotlight jobs. I then also made some notes on my National Youth Theatre audition, which again I'm not even sure if its suitable for me, but me and my dad will discuss it when he comes back from his holiday. I even managed to do my invoice for the Q&A I did last week, and posted my review of Blood Brothers onto my social media platforms (please see on my homepage if you want to check it out).
Soon after, I had my second plate of dinner I made the previous day, whilst watching another episode of Ridley. Due to the length of each episode, I made the decision to watch at least 2 episodes of it a week, breaking it down into different chunks. I then finished the day with watching some Hollyoaks and learning some more Korean and French before settling down for an early night.
Saturday: Saturdays as usual were busy for me. Before I went to work, I watched more of Ridley, and in episode 2, the story started to get more ramped up both in and out of the case they were solving. I then went to work and listened to the first three quarters of an Act On This live broadcast from a few weeks ago. I try and do this at work as by the time they come on live I'm usually not in the right headspace to listen and absorb every bit of information. In the broadcast they mentioned about their free training to get your first/next TV role. Now I didn't take on board that training as part of me was tempted, but sometimes its the right place right time. And at this time it wasn't to be. However, I've attended a few of their free training sessions before, so whilst I can't afford the full training for 12 months, the free training did help me know the basic foundations to work upon, but I won't reveal too much ;)
During work, I was asked if I could stay and do some overtime. I said yes due to needing the money, but only for an hour. Although now I wish I didn't as I came back tired and stressed about the dog. But after taking the dog for a walk, I took a lie down on the bed, and settled into watching the rest of Ridley whilst I had some lunch. And then I feel so much better.
After I had lunch I got to work on updating this blog in the hope of uploading show week and this column by next week. I also managed to finish a third draft of one of my stories. Now all I need to do is email it to some fellow creatives for their opinions before I officially post it onto my Wattpad.
I then read more of Tom Parker's Biography before learning some more Korean and French and checking my socials whilst cooking my tea.
I then relaxed after taking the dog for her evening walk before watching episode 4 of Ruby Speaking, Hollyoaks and the first lot of Celebrity MasterChef. An evening well spent indeed.
Sunday: As usual on Sundays I was at work. We got the cooking done early so I helped with stacking shelves and facing up. A security guard who was off for a bit was back and here to stay. He’s a lovely man, and very caring. Back in March when a colleague of mine left and I was unwell, he made sure I was okay and for that I’ll be so grateful for it.
But on the way home it was a mixture of emotions. I did loose my temper with my Nan, all because I didn’t have something zipped up. I did reiterate to her that I was in a hurry to get out, but I don’t think she took it well. I hate it when I loose it, but she needs to understand that with being a creative and having to work a day job to keep the money flowing when there’s no acting work for me, it can be too much. She stated that I needed to slow down, and I do at times, as I do have my self care Saturdays. But I felt as though she didn’t believe me, and that was a hard pill to swallow. But we made up and brushed it behind us.
Soon after I had my lunch, I listened to the next intake of First TV Role Fast Track. This was a training where those who have not achieved a tv credit or have under 5 credit, can uncover the secrets to gaining strategies to gain credits that the founder and editor use to this day. I was meaning to do this programme for a while as whilst the free training is beneficial, I need to put in the work. However, there are two things that are holding me back, and its not the fact I can do it. But part of it is linking to money, but the other reason is if I'll be able to schedule myself to fit it into my busy work life. Obviously this requires hard work, and that is something I can do, but there's a difference between working hard and working too much. And with my autism project coming up, I'm not sure how I can work to gain that first tv credit and work towards something to raise awareness.
However, Ross made it clear I don't need to do it as he's aware of the cost of living crisis (and he doesn't want us to go skint either, but he mentioned that if I attend, once I get my job I can make that money back if not slightly more. so really its not the financial side I'm more bothered about, but if it'll be overwhelming knowing I've still got bullet proof actor to complete (but that's something I can't rush), my documentary and finally some potential acting jobs at Halloween and Christmas. But either way I know I will work hard, as after the self tape from doctors, then anything is possible.
Soon after that I planned my week (which I actually got it all done before Monday), I relaxed with some calming yoga and watched coronation street with my dad, who came back from his holiday. It was safe to say my dog was happy to see him, and along with one more Korean and French lesson, it was a lovely way to end the week.
What have I learnt this week? Knowing your priorities is important, as I know it can't all be work and no play.
See you soon for another blog. Until next time...
This is the Autistic Actress signing off :)
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