Hello world!
It’s me again. Here are my weekly highlights from 12th-18th June:
Monday: Possibly one of the hottest days so far. I came back from my day job and went straight into my bikini and went for my usual nap. I then had my lunch outside as it was a nice day and I couldn't not take the offer.
I also had another rehearsal. But the journey there was the main challenge. I managed to get on an earlier train due to a delay in my original one. And I’m glad I did. The earlier one was 30 minutes late due to congestion, and whilst I couldn’t hear what the driver was saying, it looked like this one was going to be delayed too. This was all I needed. I was tired, hot and sweaty, but I managed to keep my cool, relaxed and brought myself back to the present. I did this by looking around and seeing and hearing as many things as possible. I then finally got to the rehearsal and it was a wonderful experience. I treated myself to a magnum after wards and even though a stranger said I’m brave to eat one at night, I didn’t care as it was hot 🥵 and I just couldn’t wait to get into my bed when I got back.
Tuesday: I started off the day by taking my dog out for a walk, nipping to the shops and doing some yoga. Normally I go to the gym on Tuesdays but because I'm coming home late on Mondays, I needed that extra bit of sleep but still needed to keep my body moving. I then started to apply for jobs on both Spotlight and Mandy, with a couple including some scripts to learn. I also started the newest series of Waterloo Road, and its safe to say I can't wait to see what this series has to offer. But then on my way to class that's when everything changed.
Just as I got to Newark, I found a place for WIFI and noticed on my socials news of a attack happening in the early hours of that morning... in Nottingham. It left me in shook. I thought to myself I can't go class after that, as the Television workshop (which is like the Actors Workshop Nottingham but for younger actors), had cancelled the classes tonight, so surely they had to cancel. And I was right.
I checked the Facebook page and my teacher turned the class into an online lesson. Normally they wouldn't cancel in person classes but because of what's happened he felt as though he had to do it. In some ways though I was glad I wasn't going all the way to Nottingham as I was tired and hot and I couldn't be bothered to get the train.
as soon as I got back, it gave me time to reflect on what happened. I kept thinking to myself "What would happen if I did go?" "What would happen if I was caught in the incident?" I literally could've have died.
I may have also reacted badly to my dad, who only asked about what we're having for tea. maybe the thoughts of what happened to a city which I love so much got the better of me, and made me think about other areas in life. One of which was the musician I saw last Sunday. I couldn't even bring up the courage to tell him this, as my feelings for this musician had been with me for a year. Even though there have been occasions where I liked other people, those feelings always came back to me. So I decided to record myself telling a person how I felt. Yes I didn't send it to my dad or anyone else, just recording it was a huge release for me. And when the time is right, I will share it.
After recording the message and having a light tea, I went onto the online class, where an old member came on, which was nice to see and he was getting on with life so well. during the session we read through a script for a feature film some of my friends are doing in the summer. Even thought I wasn't picked to be in the film its always good to do a cold read of something, as I know it'll happen when I least expect it. So the more cold reads I do, the less intimidating it'll be when I actually do a cold read for an audition or project.
Wednesday was a better day. I took the dog out first as because it was now getting hotter, I couldn't take her out after I went to the gym as it would be too much for her, and the ground could potentially burn her paws.
Once I did my usual routine, I took the time to re-order my showreel so that a former member of The Actors Workshop Nottingham can edit it for me. This was a must as I recently had 2 pieces of new material out and I had to get at least one of them in and send it to Casting Directors and agents. This was also crucial as well as I've not had chance to update it, partly because of money and also partly because life has got in the way.
I also listened to a wonderful Act On this podcast with Casting Director Rachel Sheridan, who just finished season 2 of "Big Boys", a drama about a guy struggling with his sexuality, forming a friendship with someone who is struggling with Mental Health. I definitely need to get on her radar at some point as not only does she cast comedy, she also has theatre experience in casting too. And because "Big Boys" is set for 3 seasons (where 1 season is the equivalent to 1 year), this is my chance to potentially be on the show, even if it is just for one line.
I also stepped out of my comfort zone and self taped for some Spotlight and Mandy jobs, one of which was for a pantomime, where if I get it it could be a major credit onto my profile. I also applied for a lot of Mandy jobs, and a lot of people don't tell you about the tiredness that comes with it. But never the less I carried on and applied for the jobs which I feel are suitable for me.
Later on in the afternoon, filming for the documentary commenced. This was the real deal, as the aim is to get it completed by the next Royal Television Society awards, which is to take place in May/June next year. What I did, was I answered some questions on camera and lets just say it definitely felt like I was in a Steven Bartlett podcast. But the guy who was filming it said I did a great job. I didn't feel like I had but it's moments like these where I need to trust the process. Now it's time to find people to create a short film with to tell my story along with others. I'll be honest, even though I said it wouldn't be impossible, with my day job, rehearsals for the play and other aspects of life, I'm not sure how I can pull this off. However, providing I take it one day at a time, and not overwhelming myself, I may surprise myself.
Thursday: Thursday consisted of me going to the gym as usual, but not before I took my dog for a walk to avoid her overheating.
Whilst I was at the gym, I saw my friend who moved from Hong Kong a few years ago, mainly for him and his family to start a new life in the UK. I didn't speak to him but I'm glad I did.
I also spent the morning filming another self tape for a job I spotted on Mandy, which I'm going to send later this week, and gathering names of day player roles from Doctors and Coronation Street. This is so that if I accept the offer from the agent who I had a meeting with a few months ago and doesn't work out, or they change their minds about offering me rep, I can contact them to ask why they signed up with the agent they are with.
Friday: Friday was another long day for me. I started it by going to work my 7 hour shift. I’ll be honest. I could’ve done not coming or not going tomorrow just to give myself some rest. But at the same time I need to earn an income, continuing the journey to becoming a full time actor and use this blog as my side hustle.
After work though I took some time to myself. I wondered into town and got myself a delicious strawberries and cream frappe from costa. I then sat out checking my social media stories whilst I noticed 2 pigeons, one of the many animals I’m scared of. It then continued with me having a phone call with a creative working on the autism project. He mentioned how he had a meeting with someone who is from Balderton, and is willing to meet to talk about her story. He also mentioned many other stories, like someone who’s autistic child sadly passed away at a young age, and a support group specified for autism. There was much work to be done, so I asked him if he could do some of the work for me. This was due to the fact that as well as gathering people for the project, I also had other stuff to think about like my day job, rehearsals, my acting class and other stuff continuously going in my mind.
I also had a good rehearsal later on, as the director walked me from the station to the theatre, and a cast member, who was to play my love interest in the show, walked me back. I found out some wonderful facts about him which include the following:
- He's a fan of Pokémon
- This will be his 6th show of the year
- He knew 2 of the cast members before.
But it was also a sad one where I would find heartbreak when I least expect it. During my wonder in town I saw someone who used to be a crush of mine back in school. Now the thing with Romance and me, is the struggle to connect. With Autistic creatives like myself, understanding feelings and empathy is a struggle. I saw him with his date and then I messaged him during the rehearsal about it. I had a gut feeling it was linking to a date, and my gut feeling was right. Now you're probably thinking, "why question him when you haven't spoken to him for a long time?" but after what's happened in Nottingham and how easily caught I could've been during that scenario, I realised I needed to tell this person how I felt, as I won't know when I'll get this chance again. Yes we may have not spoken properly in a year, but I spent most of that year healing from a past relationship, and doing a bit of self discovery. He saw it as me not being interested, and whilst I can understand that to a point, he doesn't know what goes on behind closed doors. This is coming from someone who learnt a technique where you should keep an open mind.
Saturday: Saturday was another tiring one. I came into work and listened to an Act On This live from Monday, along with some music to help wake me up. I then came home to have a nap and after the day I had yesterday, it was definitely needed. I then got to my usual Self-Care Saturdays, which included updating this blog and also getting into my creative writing space. I also managed to read the book "Birdgirl" and now I'm on the final chapter, and I finally sent in my showreel to a former member of The Actors Workshop Nottingham, as with my new footage, one of which from November, it was in need of a proper update to post on my socials and emailed to Casting Directors and an agent where at the end of July at the very latest I would accept their offer, providing they still want to represent me. I finished the day with watching the penultimate episode of "Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story", and it's safe to say, I weren't expecting the end of that episode.
Sunday: Fathers Day
Fathers Day was a mixture of emotions. In the early hours of the morning, it was the same old usual irritating routine, where if my dad has too much to drink, he gets sleepy and falls asleep on the sofa. Now this not may seem like an issue to anyone here, but for me its completely different. I have epilepsy and even though I've been seizure free for nearly 6 years, but it's still scary to think that if it happens and he's asleep, how will someone help me?
But still I managed to have a nice lie in that morning, as it was the start of another week off work. I gave my dad his fathers day present, which included a pint glass, socks, a Only Fools an Horses mug (as he's a huge fan of the show), and some mini Victoria Sponge cakes. I think that made up for the heated moment of last night.
I then went to lunch at a pub about 10 minutes from our house, as a Fathers Day celebration. Also in attendance was my aunty, cousin (both of which came from Liverpool) and my grandad. It was nice to have a good catchup with them.. I had a chicken burger for the main and a bowl of ice cream for dessert. But the burger came longer for me as originally i asked for chicken but it ended up being beef. This feeling was overwhelming as it is, as i was already hungry, and watching everyone eat there's made me feel tense. But eventually I did manage to get my food, and I wolfed it down as soon as I could.
When I got back after planning my week, I took the dog for a walk, but little did I know that taking a dog out without an umbrella was proven to be a hard task. From these pictures below, it was not fun for either of us.
But never the less I took her out again and it was a successful attempt. I then spent a relaxing evening watching Hollyoaks, Coronation Street and learning Korean and French. A nice way to end an eventful week. One that really made me appreciate what I had.
What have I learnt this week: Two things actually. Hold on to your loved ones for as long as you can, and don't wait. Start now. As you never know when today could be your last.
Until next time...
This is the Autistic Actress Signing off! :)
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