Hello world! Welcome back to another blog! Here is what I got up to this week, where it included meeting a director I met last year, and having another session with him to help rejuvenate my memory.
Monday: To kick off the new week I watched a bit of Love Island All Stars. I know I’ve gone off Love Island but I had to tune in to see if Liberty was alright. After watching her series a couple of years ago, she was someone who needed a man who wasn’t going to mess her about, so good on her for standing up to what she thought was right.
I then made my way to work. After the weekend I had it also gave me chance to run lines whilst I worked, and as I always do, I managed to remember after rinsing and repeating. This was then follows by walking my dog when I finished and having a nap. Normally on Mondays I walk my dog after my nap but because I needed my sleep I decided to do that first so it’s done and out of the way.
During lunch I watched the final episode of The Couple Next Door (where I watched the rest of it later on). Now this was a thrilling final, and that Evie would do anything to get Danny’s attention. It also reminded me of when I had my first circus at 15 and that I didn’t know how many messages were too many. And now learning from that mistakes I’m dreading carefully when it comes to the art of romance.
The afternoon was no pressure other than making some notes on last seasons recording of my class. I didn’t make notes on all of the tapes seen, but just enough so that I can implement it in my own when I perform it next week. This was then followed by a much needed yoga session and starting my JCS review of this blog. But I have a feeling that it’ll take me while to get it done due to rearing after the manic week I had.
To settle into the evening after walking my dog again, I watched some Coronation Street. I could see from the spoilers what would happen but I didn’t think that Asha would over react the way she did. But after what happened with Aadi maybe she realises that she shouldn’t have said what she said. I then moved onto watching The Masked Singer. It was a brilliant episode and even though I didn’t know the celebrity underneath the mask, it was nice to see that it ahead a surprising link with guest judge Jennifer Saunders. This was the followed by checking my socials (where I only checked my personal accounts) and learnt a bit of Korean as always.
Tuesday: So the day didn’t go to plan when overslept through my alarm. The plan was to go to the gym but because of that unexpected change it did get me overwhelmed. However I managed to work my way around it where after watching yesterday’s addition of Doctors (where Sid retreats his words to Suni), I did a home workout. I even went the extra mile by adding in the physical challenge by Matt Hall from the 3 life enhancer challenge. Now there was no excuse to getting my exercise in and I did break a sweat and got some good results in the process.
As soon as I finished, I walked my dog whilst going through some lines for a masterclass and my regular class tomorrow. Originally I was going to do it after I walked my dog but because I had to refilm an audition tape due to technical difficulties, I made the decision to learn it during the walk. Once I filmed my tape, I then watched the rest of an act on this podcast with Ruth Madeley. It has been an eye opening session, with one member coming on after celebrating his next tv credit (which I can’t wait to see how it turns out) and a quote which really stood out for me. I won’t say what it is but it’s something I will take throughout my career
During lunch I watched the final 2 episodes of Changing Ends. The ending was different to what I expected, as I was hoping for something more happier. But it’s ads to say that Graham knew what was important and that even though young Alan Carr had those setbacks, it made him the person he is today.
I had a chilled afternoon, which I think was needed after the weekend of being busy. So I did a few surveys and updated my budgeting table, although it didn’t help that my dog wanted to play with me. This was then followed by a session of French where I managed to get all of my goals completed.
shortly afterwards I got my creative head going and made some developed what I was going to say for my autism acceptance week presentation and a new script for a possible new film. I was surprised by how much I’ve got done, as I didn’t think I could do it. Now I’ve learnt that providing it’s within the context, think of the first ring that came to you head and get cracking, which was what I did. After applying for some new day jobs, I chilled out and planned everything for the next day bar an hour in the morning. This was then followed by a quick round of darts before walking my dog. It did get a bit windy but it was important that we got our exercise in which we did.
I then moved onto watching todays addition of Doctors and caught up on The Piano At Christmas. For Doctors I’m still sad that we have people who still judge people, especially women, based off of their looks, and that even thought Nina feels deflated after confronting Ed again, Zara knows she will bounce back and fight for what she believes in. And for The Piano, I can see how each and everyone has grown, especially Melissa, who’s piece was beautician to hear and I thought it would be the winner, but Harry and Fiona really brought everyone into the Christmas spirit.
I then ended the evening with watching the best bits of Gogglebox 2023. I still have an hour to go, but I was very pleased with some of the stuff they reacted to, like first dates and also strictly come dancing. I can’t wait to see what other best bits they see. This was then followed by checking my socials. And by that point as seen below, Margo was ready for bed too.
Wednesday: To kick off the morning, I watched more of Gogglebox 2023. The last bit before I went to the gym was theme at high the crown, which then led the tragedy which happened to Princess Diana. I didn’t remember that moment at the time, but I know she was loved by everyone, and after watching something BGT: The Champions where a contestant made a tribute to princess Diana, I can see why she was loved by the whole world.
Soon afterwards following yesterdays rest, I made my way to the gym, learning lines for both my class and a masterclass with a director who I had a session with before on the way there and back. This time I had a moment where I had a lightbulb moment. I’ve noticed that after abit of boxing I find upper body easier. I know the weights are only light but because I used up a lot of energy I can loosen them up therefore not feel as challenging. This is something I will take forward next time I do an arm session. And as you can see below, I definitely felt the sweat!
To start the tasks I needed to do today, I noted some jobs on Spotlight and Mandy (where I drafted some cover letters for them and applied for a few day jobs. I was aware that some have expired by the time I was going to apply, but I just also remember that for every opportunity I miss, a better one comes along when I least expect it. And I guess that’s the same in the world of the arts.
Shortly afterwards I tweaked my films of 2023 blog which I posted later on (which you can see here: https://www.theautisticactress.com/post/films-of-2023-the-real-life-stories-that-took-me-away) and emailed a venue linking to an event with the National youth theatre. I was intrigued by it before Christmas, but because I would have to travel accommodation and staying there would be the main hurdle. Yes I know I shouldn’t put everything on hold because of money (as I need to invest to get the opportunities I want) but everyone’s financial situation is different. And with an event happening on a weekend in February where I have to stay for 3 nights (2 for the event and an extra one for the way back home) I feel I need to save my money for the accommodation and the travelling. But it’s an event that will help me feel at home.
To finish the morning I noted down and drafted some messages I’m going to send to some directors and other creatives and moved into completing draft 2 of my next script. I feel like I did a good job, but now I need some feedback before possibly sending it off to something for the BBC writers room, providing I meet the requirements.
During lunch I watched Coronation Street from 15th January. I could see why Aadi would be upset but after time away to think about it, I knew all would be well. And if I’m being honest I don’t see what Sarah sees in Damon, and her comment on Adam was a bit harsh. But it was her decision and I’m hoping Damon may prove me wrong.
I took a steady afternoon. These included doing some more surveys and gently learning lines before class. This was then followed by reading chapter 2 of "Live Well Every Day" (where I may do a task during a break at my day job) and learnt a bit of Korean and French. With Korean, I managed to write the English spelling of Korea words, and if I do that continuously and regularly without getting overwhelmed, I will finally pronounce the words without getting it wrong.
To finish off the afternoon I gathered some day player roles from Doctors and Hollyoaks. I knew I saw a familiar face in an episode of Doctors, and when the name Terry Haywood came up I knew it clicked me then. He taught a few lessons with the actors workshop so it was great to see him on a screen. And he did a really good job at playing his role. Well done Terry.
It then came to my class. It was a fun session where I feel I performed my script well given that I’ve done many self tapes in the past. Although a refresher really helps. But my teacher mentions that I do a certain movement in my tales, whether it’s me as a person or if it’s one of my stims is another question which I need to explore for myself. But the main thing is I need to be aware and that if it is a stim, then I need to try and control it depending on the role. And after getting clarification on something from my teacher for Sundays masterclass, I felt it was an overall brilliant session.
I then watched the rest of Gogglebox 2023. This had a mixture of emotions, from the Toy Hospital which brought me to tears like the last time, and Open House which did leave me a bit open mouthed. This was then followed by my acting class, where I got to perform my self-tape. It was an insightful lesson, as even though I've done a few and implemented everything I've, I know that having a recap is also beneficial to help me refresh and jog my memory, and that when I watch the recording, I know what notes I can look at to film it in my own time and post onto my socials. All in all, a brilliant class indeed.
I then settled to watch Doctors from today. This time Al took the gang to his dinner of distinction in the form of virtual reality. And he had to face some demons himself. But thanks to the help of everyone around him I think he may be on the right path of growth. I then of course checked my socials. I was going to start nudging my agent on some of the jobs I noted on spotlight but because it was late I’d thought I’d leave it until the next day.
Thursday: To kick off the day I watched Mondays addition of Hollyoaks. It was all getting these as Darren needed time to get to know how long lost children, and I also know that Joel still has a long way to go in his recovery. I also wonder what Hannah, Darren’s ex and John Paul’s first love will do next after Carter says something shocking.
I then made my way to the gym where I did a leg session. Unfortunately I didn’t get chance to do any boxing due to a private session taking place but I felt I did a good workout. On the way there and back, I managed to get some stuff down surprisingly. These included drafting out my review of JCS, my experiences of filming on set and going through my lines. Never would I have done that, but it just goes to show that sometimes doing something in a change of scenery can do wonders for your mental creativity. As I’m writing this I’ve done about a quarter/half of my JCS review and 3 quarters of my filming experience. So a job well done indeed.
When I got back, I set out my new budget for the month and got back on cooking food for the family. I made pork loin steaks and it felt good to cook something healthy and delicious. And after feeling under the weather, my dad said it was the first thing he saw and can stomach. If that’s not the ultimate compliment then I don’t know what is.
After the cooking, I had some time to kill. I knew I had stuff to do but I didn’t want to overwhelm myself, knowing that when I finish work today I need to be up earlier to start my Friday shift at 8. So I spent my time emailing some casting directors on what I’ve been up to and noting some more jobs on spotlight and Mandy. Later on I got a reply from one of them about meeting them in the office. This was a real achievement for me as I saw them on a podcast and had an online chat before, but to meet them in the flesh is a different environment altogether. All I can say on that is watch this space.
I then finished off the morning by going through my script and making notes on it. I did elements of the practical aesthetics technique to help make the scene more authentic. I feel I did that, but providing I open my mind to direction from the director himself then to should be plain sailing.
During lunch (where I had some water with a Vitamin C tablet, which is actually nice as it tastes like a sharp Orange Soda), I watched Tuesdays addition of Hollyoaks. The lengths that Carter went to to keep Hannah shut is extreme, but the throat at the end has definitely got me hooked as to what would happen next. I also think that Leela is going too far to keep her relationship with Joel. I get that she doesn’t want him to sway but there’s ways of doing about it. And I do hope that Frankie and JJ will see that even though they try to get rid of Darren, spending time with him will make them realise what’s important. I then watched the first 15 minutes of Waterloo Road. What a start to the series, and already I’m looking forward to watching the rest later on. As I had work to commence.
The first part of my shift was okay, as after filing I felt on top of the world. But all that changed when I suddenly felt my heart going and feeling a bit funny. But it then past, but I had to take a time out on the process. I think the reason it happened is because without my usual colleagues to turn to a few weeks ago I had to make my way through that situation and it did me more harm then good, as no autistic individual should hide who they are. But after telling someone this to inform the staff the next day and some chocolates from my other colleague, it all turned out well in the end.
As I got back from work I watched the rest of Waterloo Road whilst I had my dinner I made. What an episode it was, as Samoa is definitely feeling the strain of what’s happened in the last series, and with Tonya meeting someone who will most likely lead her down the wrong path, I can’t wait to see the effect it has on her family. I also hope that donate and Nicky get together, as Chlo would want her widow husband to be happy this could be his chance. but it was getting late and because I’m up even earlier tomorrow I needed to relax ASAP.
In order to help me settle down, I checked my socials and did one session of Korean. I knew I had to get my daily practice in and that it would take me a while, so I simply did one session which is better than nothing.
Friday: To kick off the day I watched the first part of yesterdays addition of Doctors. This one saw suni meet someone who can sense illness through smell. I know it may seem bonkers, but after Kirsty did some research it may change everything. I also wonder who was impersonate Jimmi after a claim being made. I mean after a special episode focusing on him a few weeks ago and meeting another doctor treating a patient, I’m starting to put 2 and 2 together. Let’s just hope I’m right.
I then made my way to work. It didn’t get off to a good start as I realised as I got there I left my phone. After chatting to my dad on another colleagues phone, he kindly brought it to me. I was slightly conscious about that as he was under the weather for a good few days, but knowing he did that shows how much of a good dad he really is. Thanks dad, love you.
The rest of the shift was actually okay after my moment last night. This is because I focused on picking for most of the morning, but honestly I don’t mind it. It gets my steps in, it keeps me moving and it makes the time go quicker. And during my break I managed to make some notes on my script for Sunday. I know it was brief but anything is better than nothing.
When I finished my shift I went to an interview for a new job. Writing this now I’ve literally just got out of it, and I felt it went well. The person interviewing me was chilled, laid back and I felt that anything I said he was cool with. The hours are shorter than Waitrose, but then again that’s hospitality for you. I know as well that I would get questions from my family about the hours, but I need to do why makes me feel right, and that it’s not always about the money. Controversial I know but it’s moments like this where not everything is about money.
As soon as the interview had finished, I rang Steve Watson to talk about the edit. After talking with him, he said he whoops get onto the notes I made for the two completed scenes from the first day of filming, so that when he edits the rest of the film when he gets back he’ll save some time. I know it’ll take a while and he goes away again in a few weeks, but providing we have a good first draft and possibly a second, anyone who volunteers for the final edit should be enough to send it to the royal television society. And to help me wind down after that I continued my blog of JCS where as I’m writing this I’m almost finished. Just one more character to feedback on and then I’m done!
When I got back, I decided to still be productive in my acting career, but not go too mental. So I simply applied for some jobs on Mandy and noted my agent on some jobs on Spotlight. This felt very satisfying, as after Ross Grant saying about doing at least one thing a day towards my acting career, then this would be the job I would do. I did get a call from someone who was interested, but then I missed another call from them. I don’t know what it was but I didn’t ring them back as I knew it would be late. So I’ve made the decision to try again on Monday and see what happens. I then moved onto some yoga and walked my dog. Normally I would do the opposite but after yoga felt just about right.
To relax for the evening I watched Coronation Street from last week and from this Monday whilst I had my second lot of food I made with Margo looking very relaxed with dad as seen above. And I have a lot to say about that. Firstly I’m glad that the problem with Joseph is finally sorted, and even though Linda jumped to conclusions, I’m glad that Gemma was right in knowing what was wrong, therefore getting the treatment he needed. I also hope that Liam will start to tell the truth, as even though the storyline with Liam and Mason is still going to happen for a while (meaning more chances of possibly getting a small role in the show) it’s getting to a point where Gary and Maria need to at least have a name for who’s bullying Liam. And finally I love Bobby, literally a breath of fresh air and Jack Carroll is doing a good job on taking on the role. Looking forward to seeing more of him in future episodes.
Just before bed I watched the first half of Wednesdays addition of Hollyoaks. Yes I can see why prince would be upset for Romeo not sticking up for him, but surely he knows that Romeo never intentionally killed her, as the way she treated him was horrible. Justice for Romeo is all I can say. I also wonder what Carter will do to keep Hannah quiet, especially now that her mum has turned up, either that’s carters doing I’m not sure. But I can’t wait to find out when I watch the rest tomorrow morning.
I then of course checked my socials and did one session of Korean. And because I won’t be at work on Sunday due to the directing workshop I got I even managed to cancel my taxi. I know it was late but thankfully they don’t close until the early hours of the morning so the sooner I ring them the better. Which I did.
Saturday: To kick off the day I watched the rest of Thursday's Doctors and Wendesday's Hollyoaks. I hope that Jimmi will be able to find out who is impersonating him after a lucky recovery from one of his patients, and that I wish Chloe, Mel and Lindy the best of luck with their lives, no matter what happens between them. I'm also ashamed with Carter for still using John-Paul. I know he's being brainwashed, but surely he has to realise what is right and what is wrong, especially after he stole something that belonged to Myra, which has landed her in serious trouble.
I then went to work. I had a good day today, and that's a first. I only went through my lines a couple of times but I didn't want to overwhelm myself, and with me final prepping for the class this afternoon, I'll have plenty of time to sit down and look at it properly. My Dad even met the Branch manager for the first time and I knew he would like him, and the fact that he told him that he learns something new everyday from myself as an autistic individual is a small but satisfying achievement.
After having a well deserved nap, I watched the first three quarters of episode 4 of Vigil. What an episode that was, and I praise Amy for getting through a scary situation like this. After the first series, I wasn't sure how it can be topped, but this completely changed my view. I can't wait to watch the rest of it later on.
The rest of the day was interesting to say the least. This included finalising my JCS review, where I just need to add the photos to the review before I post it, and rehearsing my script one last time before the class. I didn’t know how long I was going to rehearse for, so I simply did 30 minutes of it (using parts of the lucid body into it) and then spent the other 30 minutes getting everything ready whilst noting dates of when I wrote to casting directors. After these tasks I read chapter 2 of live well everyday. This chapter was quite raw, and I needed to get onto the tasks ASAP. As I know there are moments in my life which I need to improve on, so doing them sooner rather than later is important.
Knowing that I would have a busy day tomorrow, I brain dumped what I needed to do for next week whilst I listened to an act on this broadcast. But because I couldn’t find this weeks task I couldn’t do all of it, so I simply did what I could, and then made up for it by applying for some more day jobs, including doing an assessment for one of them. to wind into the evening I walked my dog and did some yoga, a good way to keep calm and zen.
I then watched the rest of Vigil. What a cliff hanger of an ending it was, as Amy has managed to escape but is definitely fighting for her life in the battle. And with her being dehydrated it’s not looking good for her. It was then moved onto episode 2 of Fool Me Once whilst I had my tea. This plot gets more exciting by the minute, as after a discovery by Maya's niece and nephew, it changes everything. And with Kierce’s condition starting to deteriorate, I’m starting to wonder if it’s linking to the discovery at the end. Only time will tell.
I then of course watched Thursdays addition of Hollyoaks. I do feel sorry for poor Romeo, as yes even though he had done something terrible, we could all see how much it’s affected him before the event, and that he’s just a victim in all this. But after seeing spoilers of the aftermath, I dread to think how it’ll have an effect on James and Peri.
After that I then of course ended the day with checking my socials and learning some more Korean and French. For some reason French has excited me all of a sudden, maybe after focusing on Koreans me taking a break it’s given me a newfound appreciation for it. Who knows?
Sunday: Today was the day. My masterclass with Sean Glynn. I had a masterclass with him before last year, so it’s nice to meet him again and see how much I’ve grown. Although I’ll admit with my film taking up most of my energy I feel I could’ve done more work on the script. However I know my lines, and my objectives so as long as I keep those in mind I’ll be all good.
To get me in the mood, I watched Fridays addition of Hollyoaks, just incase I come back later than I expected. Whilst I try to understand why Romeo did what he did, it certainly had an affect on Peri and James. And with Tom’s marriage to Yazz at breaking point, I feel it may have made the situation more complicated. After posting my go fund me page for the film I then made my way to the station learning about of Korean and French whilst I was waiting. It was a nice way to warm up and calm my adrenaline for the class.
The moment then came. After getting some snacks from the shops, I had the masterclass. What an experience it was. It was good to see Sean again, and to do a different scene. I did one from Hollyoaks, where I was the first one to go. It’s always terrifying being the first one up, but I’m surprised by how well it went. I got some useful notes and I even managed to record it on my phone. Over the week I’ll send it to my other peers who were in the scene with me, but because of my storage I had to save it for another time. But overall after seeing other talent and how good everyone is it’s been a brilliant day.
I had to leave early as I was going to get a certain train. But something didn’t feel right, and I felt that if I stayed I would get overwhelmed. But because I didn’t brain dump everything yesterday, that may have been a trigger for it. And because I’m up early in the morning for my day job and I have a dentist appointment, I had to rush off. As I’m writing this now I wasn’t sure if Adam (my autistic brain) was telling me that I needed to leave or if I’m getting triggers of anxious states, but I know I had to get out. However I’m not a doctor, so I’m just going to let it be and do what I felt feels right. And also because I’m due on my female problems (ladies, you’ll know what I’m talking about), I feel that has something to it. But at the same time maybe I was right to get that train, as after the incident at Christmas, I didn’t want to end up in that situation again.
As I got back, I walked my dog and finished brain dumping everything I needed for next week. This was then followed by watching the rest of Coronation Street from this week, and there was a lot to discuss. I knew that Bernie and Gemma would’ve found out about Paul’s situation soon, but hearing it on the trip was the last thing they needed. But thankfully they were supportive of their decision, but Bernie’s interference with Moses didn’t help at all, knowing how much pressure he’s under. Fingers crossed he’ll be back. And I do feel sorry for poor Liam, as even though he’s only trying to protect himself the situation needs to stop. And I also wonder how the builders yard got destroyed, and I know that Michael is fine but he won’t be happy one bit when he finds out who did it. And finally I hope that Simon doesn’t turn into his dad, and that after seeing spoilers on Facebook, things will take a surprising turn for Tracey and Tommy.
As soon as I watched it I did a bit more Korean and French and skimmed through a view videos on YouTube. I know some would say it’s procrastinating, but for me it helps regulate my brain and helps me relax. I then checked my socials but only on the professional account, as I needed to be up very early in the morning for work and also my dentist appointment. This was an important appointment as yes it may not be a problem now, but as I get older it could lead to sensitivity. So the sooner I get it sorted the better.
What have I learnt this week? Sometimes it’s good to refresh your memory, and also do what makes you feel comfortable. Even if it’s small, like my journey home on the Sunday.
See you soon for another blog. Until next time…
This is The Autistic Actress signing off :)
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